


Sing Me A Melody and I'll Write You These Lines

by Grinner_H



Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 07:08:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4512582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grinner_H/pseuds/Grinner_H





	Sing Me A Melody and I'll Write You These Lines

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YamatosSenpai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YamatosSenpai/gifts).



If I read you a fairy tale, should I begin it with _Once upon a time..._?

Once upon a time, we smoked on rooftops and emptied beer bottles. We crushed takeout containers and wondered about stupid things. Like why the sky still glowed orange at night. Or could bicycles really float away if you attached enough balloons to the handlebars. Or if Aurora's jaw ached from smiling so much in _Maleficent._

Should I speak about the distant lands you always dreamed of - the ones you fancied existing in real life, and not only within the pages of those old books you didn't know how to live without?

Maybe I'd tell you tales about your anachronistic fashion sense or the napkins you'd so often scribble your memos upon because you refused to carry a notepad. 

And maybe I'd read you a story about the time I cradled you in the rain, or the smoothness of your skin when I cupped your chin with my fingers, or how great it felt to kiss you. 

Because once upon a time, you were mine. 

\--

If this were a journal entry, I suppose I should begin it with _Today..._

Today I woke up on one side of this glass wall, with you on the other side of it. 

I watched you pin your hair on top of your head - the way you've been doing every morning now - so it wouldn't get in the way while you made breakfast.

I watched you fumble with the coffee machine, watched you make an omelet with bits of shell in it. 

You were never good with any of this, and - trapped as I am behind this immeasurable, impenetrable glass fortress - you no longer have me to spoil you. 

Today - like every other day - I watched Akihito stroll into the kitchen and kiss you good morning, watched him salvage the toast before you burned it too much.

I watched him eat your egg shells and drink your bitter coffee, that light in his eyes never dying even when he assured you that breakfast was awful; but I know that he _was_ \- always _is_ \- pleased that you do this for him every morning.

Today - like every day before this one - I tried to break the wall with my fists. 

But I couldn't make a crack, and I still can't slip through.

\--

If I wrote you a song, I know that it wouldn't rhyme. 

No rhyme could ever accurately describe how it makes me feel when I watch him tangle his hands in your hair and kiss you like you were the only thing in his universe. 

Akihito is a good man, but he doesn't deserve you. 

And I can't help but think - when I watch him push you down onto his too-thin mattress, when I watch him touch you everywhere, _everywhere_ \- that it should be _me_ you're kissing and _my_ bed you're on, _my_ hands and lips and teeth all over you.

Sometimes, when you're asleep, I watch him run his fingers through your hair the way I used to. 

Sometimes, he speaks to the darkness as if he knows I'm there. " _You_ fucked up, Asami. _You're_ the one who left."

And sometimes, _"I won't let you have him."_

If I wrote you a song, it'd probably sound like an overdue apology. 

But I don't even know how to begin telling you I'm sorry.

\--

If I foretold your future, what would I say?

Should I tell you that you'd be happy even as I see you smile with empty eyes?

Could I tell you that everything would be alright one day if you'd just hang in there a little while longer?

How could I express such things when I've so frequently watched you bury yourself in my old cotton shirt and cry yourself to sleep even while you were wrapped up in _his_ embrace?

Should I convince you to love Akihito the way I _know_ you still love _me,_ because he loves _you_ more than his very _life?_

Every moment I watch you from behind this glass, I get closer to understanding how Akihito's felt about you all those years. 

_Notice me. See me. Choose **me.**_

You're right before my eyes and still I can't have you, 'cause you've never been so far out of my reach. 

And I wonder if I'm being punished for staying with you when I've always known he's loved you just as much.

\--

Once upon a time, we hung out by the abandoned railroad tracks.

You sat in my jacket and smoked my cigarettes, played _Impossible to Find_ on your acoustic guitar.

That happened twelve years ago. I don't know why it feels like it's been so much longer. 

\--

But then, there's today.

And I'm not sure what to think of it - waking up on my side of this glass wall, upon the riverbank where I first kissed you beneath stars like fireworks. 

And there you are on the other side of the glass, on the other side of the river; staring at me while I'm staring at you. 

You say to me, "Hey."

I look at you, _mine, always **mine**_ \- your dark hair and your bright eyes, your lean body and your bare feet. I think that you've never looked more beautiful. I think that dying doesn't seem so bad.

And I say to you, _"Finally."_

\--

If I could make a memory, it'd be this.

The glass wall between us shattering to nothing. You running - quick feet and genuine smile - into the stream, into my arms. 

I kiss you beneath a night sky that glows orange like firelight. And I hold you like I don't know how to let go.


End file.
